Let's play a little game. It's going to be called "Bilk the Yokels Out of Their Cash." An unwieldy title, I know, but sometimes it's a lot easier to be direct than creative. But, if you insist, I suppose we could come up with an alternate. How about ... WWE Crush Hour? That's definitely catchier. It connotes action, excitement, and, well ... crushing. You know you're in trouble when the back cover of the game doesn't even sport any copy, as if the marketing department just shrugged and said, "Well, nothing we can do here." Just layer it with screens and a few teasers like "Over 30 WWE SuperCars" and watch the money roll in.

What exactly is a WWE SuperCar? I'm glad you asked. Apparently, Vince McMahon has taken over every single television network, populating every show, even the commercials, with his roster of muscle-bound stars. While this is a terrifying premise that perhaps isn't farfetched enough, we're not done. Vince's newest show places wrestling superstars in the hot seats of a fleet of muscle cars. These vehicles are souped up in ways that only a fifth grader hopped up on Skittles and Mountain Dew could dream up, and you're the lucky devil that gets to watch 'em go. Crush Hour is just another variation on Twisted Metal, with little more than the WWE license (get it? cars? license?) to set Crush Hour apart from the crowd.

Now don’t get me wrong. Not every title has to be a ground-breaking masterpiece, but when tackling an established style, it’s a good idea to bring something new to the table. But tacking a wrestling motif on the front end doesn’t count. When there seems to be little effort made to incorporate advances other teams have made, you know you’re in real trouble. Crush Hour sticks to the car-combat formula with simple-minded tenacity; pick a car and driver, then face off against other drivers, armed with turbo boots, a standard gun and the powerups strewn about the arenas. Speed and quick direction changes will keep you alive, but the AI isn’t difficult enough to give much trouble to anyone but a novice.

Vehicles are ranked according to speed, handling, strength and defense, but in truth there’s not much difference between them. Even the biggest, lumbering truck can turn on a dime thanks to the powerslide control; it’s a nice addition to the genre, but when it makes every vehicle the same, what’s the point? None of the car designs inject much inspiration, either. Evidently the Havok physics engine has been put into action with the intent of lending credibility to Crush Hour’s antics. As far as I can tell, Havok made it far enough into the process to get a logo in the credits, and that’s it. Forget spectacular rolls or crashes - at best you’ll find your car rolling gently onto its back, before being magically righted. Beyond that, there’s not enough sense of weight to the vehicles, with many collisions feeling light and fluffy - where’s the crushing damage of the Midtown Madness series when you need it?

An array of weapon pick-ups is strewn about each location, though we’ll call them ‘Foreign Objects’. Unsurprisingly, you’ve used all these before. Grenade Launchers, Twisty Rockets, turbo boosts and more will make you, for a few seconds at least, more dangerous than the other guy. Each driver also has a special attack, enabled once you’ve dealt a certain amount of damage to your competitors. These are fairly devastating, and a well-placed special can do a lot to unbalance the field in your favor. Too much success brings its own dangers, though. In some matches, getting too far ahead will bring out your nemesis, an indestructible extra player who’ll try to gun you down for a few seconds. But most often you’ll win by hounding the weakest target into a corner and blasting away with your main guns before moving on to the next victim, despite any run-ins with your arch-enemy.

Crush Hour offers two primary ways to play. Exhibition is your standard single-match setup, allowing players to choose from unlocked arenas and racers. The unlocking is done in Season Mode, in which you progress through an escalating series of matches - you know the drill. Each arena is linked to a WWE-style match, so be prepared for Raw, Smackdown, Hell In The Cell, Lumberjack and so on. Some are free-for-alls with success linked to a number of kills, while others require players to capture a certain number of stars, or keep possession of the championship belt for a predetermined time.

None of the matches are particularly challenging, and too many of the arenas mimic WWE ring designs. Most are large, but because of the adherence to the theme, they’re bland and blocky with a few small ramps so matches end up taking place in one corner of the field. Effort has been made to counter these bottlenecks by placing health and turbo pickups at extreme ends of each arena, but somehow everyone still ends up in the same place. The big exception is the Cage match, which begins with a number of cars in the cage -- the last one standing takes possession of a contract, at which point the cage opens. It’s then a capture the flag scenario, as the contract has to be taken to a goal post. But it’s fast-paced and a lot of fun, as well as a decent use of the whole wrestling schtick. More of the level designs should have benefited in a similar manner.

Tremble before the Undertaker's special attack! A few vaguely amusing cutscenes aside, Crush Hour features no visual details to set it apart from the crowd. While the graphics are certainly adequate, they do nothing to enhance the proceedings. Too much grey overwhelms the standard weapon and lighting effects, and a few minutes after playing the game, it’s difficult to remember what it looked like. The soundtrack is peppered with a repetitive, irritating commentary. Most of the dialogue remarks on weapons acquired or collisions instigated; it sounds like an automated telephone recording. This sort of lackluster effort only contributes to the notion that there was a spare game engine lying around, just waiting for a franchise. It’s difficult to imagine how this will appeal to even the huge contingent of wrestling fans, but for everyone else the only advice is to steer clear. There are much better Twisted Metal clones around; spending this money on a PS2 network adaptor to play Twisted Metal Black: Online is a much better idea. Crush Hour can provide a little bit of passive amusement, but it’s hardly a smackdown.

Crush Hour isn’t a bad looking game, but it’s not going to win any awards. It’s dominated by gray and dark colors, with the vehicles rendered in a blocky, squared-off style. A lot of spice could have been added to the weapons effects, but all are serviceable. The arenas aren’t packed with detail, especially in comparison to other games in the genre, which adds to the bland feeling. Meanwhile, the soundtrack is peppered with a repetitive, irritating commentary. Most of the dialogue remarks on weapons acquired or collisions instigated; it sounds like an automated telephone recording.

After a while, the arenas blend together. This sort of lackluster effort only contributes to the notion that there was a spare game engine lying around, just waiting for a franchise. It’s difficult to imagine how this will appeal to even the huge contingent of wrestling fans, but for everyone else the only advice is to steer clear. There are much better Twisted Metal clones around; spending this money on a PS2 network adaptor to play Twisted Metal Black: Online is a much better idea. Crush Hour can provide a little bit of passive amusement, but it’s hardly a smackdown.